I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch break, making them more efficient in heat-retention. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst and a ruthless bookie. I don't perspire. I once read "Paradise Lost," "Moby Dick" and "David Copperfield" in one day. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.

On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet. I have performed open-heart surgery. And I have spoken to Elvis. But I have not yet dated Anna Kournikova